I cannot tell you how important you are to me... This has been a rough week.  Turning in four and a half years of very hard work into my committee for their judgment last Friday has sort of caught up with me this week.  In my effort to get that done, I did not prep for my classes as well as I should and crashed and burned in my lighting class on Tuesday when trying to explain photometrics (one of the hardest topics for interior designers (artistic people that we are) to get).  It has to do with math and calculations and tangents and graphs...  So Tuesday and Wednesday morning I spent four hours each boning up on the stuff... and figured out how to present it so that they could understand it... only to crashed and burned again, last night... when attempting to calculate the foot candles of our classroom without all of the accurate lumens for the lamps.... We got the light level of a closet... not a classroom... hmmmmm Crash boom... I am struggling with the ability to communicate information because the head of equipment decided to do away with overhead projectors... so showing them how to do lighting overlays was also a struggle... more smoke into the air.  I finally just gathered them about one table and did it in front of them.... not my best week.

So on the way home from class I called Kristin and Ellen was there and I poured out my tail of woos to them.... came home, ate dinner and did a soft crashing landing on the sofa... 

In addition, all week I have been having multiple hot flash events waking me up in the night... I know that it is stress related... but twice this week (including last night) I have awake tossing and turning for over an hour trying to tell myself not to worry... ha.... Not being able to sleep is just making things worse... but I am just going to put one foot in front of the other... time will tell.  My normal abilities to cope seem very frayed right now... consequently dumping it here, which has always been my outlet.... Thanks for listening... Kristine and Jason thanks for remote support.  I know you are out there. 

Hope your day is good.  I know that mine will be okay.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Hmmm got behind on my grading and in my lectures last week.  Had a crash and burn moment in in lighting class Tuesday.  Was talking about Photometrics and forgot to introduce what they were in the first place.  So yesterday and today I got my act together.  It is the hardest lecture in lighting and I flubbed it again... Hope your day is good. I am not doing a very good job of not worrying about my dissertation.  I decided yesterday if they have to much for me to correct in four weeks (with teaching and grading) I will just put off my graduation until summer.   Made me feel better.  Teaching a SC*D requires a huge amount of time and energy.  Doesn't leave much time for anything else.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

For some strange reason I had a sinus headache yesterday... all day ... hmmmm wonder why.  I took a nap after breakfast and lay on the sofa like a slug until I talked to Jason while he was working on his boat.  His energy got me off the sofa and dusting the party debris from hardwood floor.   When we were done talking, I went outside and raked the last of the leaves and pods out of my backyard.  Then hit the sofa yet again for another nap...  Hmmm by the time I got up this morning my headache is mostly gone.  I think my body was making me rest...

My party on Saturday night was great.  What a great bunch of people I work with.  I only had one small glass of wine so my headache was not a hangover... I did frolick on the floor, sofa and around the coffee table with 3.5 year old Jack while the adults peacefully conversed at my dining room table and gave four month old Violet her bottle.  I love my new house for entertaining... Today I am back grading.  Have a grand day!  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I had a feeling of relief yesterday, when I turned in my dissertation to my committee.  But I tried to not be too euphoric, because I know that I still have editing and will have to address their comments.  I was exhausted, but soldiered through the day.  Had problems getting back to sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night.  

This morning when I woke up... worry assended... will they like what I did?  will it be acceptable to get my degree?  I am attempting to hold my concerns at bay.  Because I did the best I could do.... there is not really anything I can do but wait.... I know that their will be some more revisions.  I am sure that over all it will be okay, but whenever things are judged by others it is hard.  This is four years of my life.  Ha but actually that is a small part of my total life... One of the many good things about being older. 

I shared my concerns with Elizabeth.... and she went through this last term when she defended... and commiserated with me.  She is now be Dr. Eliz.  So all in all, I am doing my best to not worry about my committee responses until I get them on Feb. 8th. 

Yesterday, Kristin shared with me that one of our friends... did her pre-defense this week and they wanted her to totally reformat her dissertation... it happens... she has been writing full time for over a year, even gave her dog to her parents to be able to concentrate on her writing ... so that was very hard to hear.  For me, time will tell.  Now I need to get back to my teaching load.  I am behind in grading.  

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

My horoscope today...

Some rather extensive and annoying paperwork might need to be dealt with, dear Gemini. It'll probably require all your attention, so, if you can, take care of it first thing in the morning, when you're still fresh. This might be a contract, or it could be an insurance policy, or something else full of unintelligible jargon. Don't be afraid to ask someone familiar with it to explain the language to you!

Marilyn

I just combine everything together.  Made it a PDF and sent it along to my committee... I cannot think about what this would have been like without a computer to compose and edit and sent this puppie out....

Thank you all for your support and love through out this process.  It has been a long one...

Hope your day is fine.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

AND I AM HAVING A PARTY ON SATURDAY TO CELEBRATE!  Gathering my friends here to kabitz with good food and wine...  for some reason I am tired tonight so I won't write more tonight.

Hope your day is wonderful. Love and kisses, Marilyn

I spent the day getting caught up.  I still have some more grading to do.  Hope your day is grand. 

Fabiola and Carole yes I am going to celebrate finishing... pre defending and defending... Hmmmm even if I don't  pass I will still celebrate.  
Jorge... don't read this... I think the first way is to finish my living room by buying a sofa and love seat and area rug...  Hmmmmm

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I am back at my school work this morning trying to catch up from working on my dissertation.  I uploaded handouts on B'board already this morning.  I am now going to grade... for my classes today and then when I get to school review my lecture during my office hour.  Hope your day is grand...

I am beginning to think that I will get my dissertation almost all done by Friday... If it isn't... It will just have to go as is... Last night instead of solitary while I watched tv to relax, I fixed the format of the last chapters so that I could put them all in a single file to send to my committee.  I cannot believe how hard the last three weeks have been, but for better or worse it is almost over.  I am not that fatalistic... I am pretty sure they will approve my dissertation, with modifications of course...   Love and kisses, Marilyn

spent the whole day today and yesterday... editing... have one more section to finish... and then two others that are being edited for the second time... I think I should be done by my deadline on Friday.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I am editing today.  Yesterday the whole day was spent on the sofa... I took three naps... Oh I did get up and scrub one section of my driveway.  It has black goo on it.  This morning I still feel really tired and have a small headache... I took al*ka selt*zer plus for breakfast with coffee... ttteee hhhheeeee.  It rained here all day yesterday so it was nice to cocoon. 

This morning I told my committee I would get my dissertation to them on Friday, so they have two weekends to read it.  It was supposed to be to them today... but it is not going to happen.  Hope your day is great.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Hope your day is grand.  I have a service person coming to day to look at my heat pump to make sure it is working okay.  He canceled because of the rain... greeehhh  Loaded articles for my students to read on Blackboard this morning... Tomorrow we have a mandatory attendence required for training on Blackboard.... hmmmmm Most of the newbies already know how to use it... hmmmmm
Love and kisses, Marilyn

I was awake twice once for about 2 hours the other for about an hour... metapause... greeehhhhhww  So I feel much better after 10 hour of sleep last night. 

I read over the stuff that my new editor edited for two hours yesterday morning and then went to school, to meet with a speaker for my one of my classes and graded and taught the rest of the day.  Glad I could roll home at 8:00 rather than 10:30.  I was so tired I didn't even go swimming... hmmmm

I am going to edit to day and then teach. I have one project to grade until I get two more in today.  These first weeks of class I have due dates daily to get them used to working and building on their skills. Makes for a lot of work, but pays off at the end of the term.  Hope your day is great.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Still here, grading and writing.  Marilyn

I woke up at 5:00 am and had problems going back to sleep.  I finally got back to sleep at about sunrise and then slept in until 9:40... hmmmmm I was thinking about my dissertation and other stuff.  So I was going to work on it some more today and take Sunday off... or take today of and work tomorrow... but I hadn't accomplished anything except laundry by 1:00pm so I went okay I might as well give up and enjoy my day.  I did wash the hard wood floor in my living room, it looks great.  I took a nap and went grocery shopping.  All in all it was a nice day.  Hope your day was great.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I just finished the first draft of my conclusion.   I am so happy!!!!!  that is the last of my fresh writing... I am just editing now!!!!  Hope your day is great!  Love and kisses, Marilyn

My dissertation is really starting to come together.  It seems to be cascading together after two years of dogged work.  My three editors are sending me stuff to revise almost every day.  Tonight and tomorrow I am going to try to finish my conclusions... I set it aside for a couple of days cause I couldn't figure out how I wanted to handle it.  I decided last night that I need to take my findings from the introduction and go... Section 2-2 on professionalization said blah, blah, blah... and examining the history of ID Section 2-4 and the professionalization of ID Section 2-5 demonstrates how interior design became a profession since 1985.  Then go on to Section 3-1 discusses the conflict... blah, blah, blah....

I am still at a dead run... working 3 to 4 hours before I got to class and teach five hours a day...  But swimming at night after class is helping a lot.  I am so happy the pool is back open.  I like my new schedule because it gives me time to work in the morning before I go to school.  Then I eat a nice big dinner type lunch and head out to school.        

Faculty meetings all day to day.  I have to squeeze some grading in this mix too this weekend... while taking one full day off to recuperate and get ready for next week.  Hope your day is fine, we are expecting rain here.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I am making good progress on my dissertation.  I have edited DC for the last two days... from Cindy's editing (she does the English) and Terry's (she does the content).  KC is working on three sections and Cindy is finishing up VA and OH.  So if I have enough time I before the 20th my writing should be in really good shape.  I am writing from about 9:30 to 1:00 every day before I go to school to teach from 2:00 to 7:30pm.  This schedule is working for me for now... I am not sure I can keep this up indefinitely. but I hope to be done with the major part of the work by Jan. 20.   

I was so excited... last night I went swimming!!!!  The pool opened Jan 2... with its beautiful new roof.  It is timber frame and gorgeous especially when I swim backstroke.  It feels so good to be back in the pool.  I am going to try to go after class every day I teach.  

I will finish DC and work on my conclusions for the rest of this week.  and then send my conclusions off to Terry... and just edit all next week.  Hmmmmm

Hope your day is good.  I am enjoying teaching these classes and the students are terrific.  They seem to like my sense of humor and laugh with me.  Cheers, Mairlyn 

Well yesterday went great.  I seem to be waking up around 8:30 and started writing at 9:30 after reading my emails and blogs. I wrote until 12:00 when I ate a big lunch and tried to take a nap because I had class last night until 10:30.  I wrote on my conclusion until my brain said stop then I edited my DC chapter.  I need to add in Terry's comments and that section is done.  I have two editors finishing up my stuff.  So that feels good.  I think I can make my January 20 deadline, if I keep working like this.  I am trying to pace myself so I don't get too tired and yet can work consistently.  I will still take one day off this week and my friends and I are talking about getting together here the view the newest Har*ry Pot*ter movie on Saturday or Sunday night. 

The pool is now open... I just need to get there to dump more of my stress. Yes.

We changed my 10:30 class last night from 8 to 10;30 to 2 to 5:30, so that should help.  I think I will try to swim from 8 to 9:00 at night each night after class to disperse the tensions built up during the day.  I hope the pool is open that late.  

I think my new classes are going pretty well.  I don't have quite as many students as I thought.  So that is good.  I am finding teaching in the open studios challenging... because my voice is so loud.  I have to tone it down, but Pelli who teaches at the same time across the walk way said that my voice level was ok.  When I get excited I need to be careful because it booms out.  They have five studios all meeting in the same large room at the same time.  So voice modulation is important.

Love and kisses, Marilyn