And today after a better night's sleep and ahhhhh being able to sleep in until 8:00 AM I actually feel pretty good.  Almost everyone I talked to yesterday slept badly the night before... must have been something in the air... I am still in my jammies with a cup of coffee in my hand blogging... hmmmmm this is what things might be like next year.  The ability to relax some mornings before classes start.  Rather than the treadmill I have been on basically since I got here. 

I am still trying to conserve and restore energy to make it through the term. 

I have more grading to do this weekend and will have more almost each weekend until the end of the term.  I was smart and tried to spread the due dates for their work over a time so that I would not have five days of grading to finish up the term.  Some every weekend until the push at the end of the term.

Last night there was a very nice reception for the students and faculty of our program to celebrate our masters program being ranked number one in the country.  It was really nice to see everyone all dressed up and get together out of the classroom.  After some initial visiting I went around and talked to the students who were standing or seated alone.  I hate to see people alone in a large group. 

I came home and ate dinner and vegged out on the sofa.  I tried hard to not doze so when I went to bed I could sleep well.  It worked pretty well.

I talked to my chair yesterday and she may put me in a studio class next fall.  She changed the start time from 8:00 AM to 11:00 AM... because I have so much problems sleeping and it gives me time to work on my research in the morning... wow now that is working with a person.   Made me hopeful that I might be able to stay here and not have to go somewhere else to be able to continue the work that I have done over the last five years.     

Tonight there is another lecture by Penny Bon*da FAS*ID coming in to talk about sustainability in action.  So I need to go to that lecture after classes.  I am so glad one of my students reminded me of it, I would have forgotten. 

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

This evening my program has a reception with the President of the College to celebrate being ranked #1 in the country by Design Intelle*gence.  I don't know if I can squeeze a swim in before or after. hmmmm

I swam last night and it felt good for my brain to let it rip a little.  I still am not going very fast, but my brain feels better. 

But last night I had another restless sleep awakening with hot flashes and having problems getting back to sleep.  Nine more eight o'clocks.  Not that I am counting down or anything. Love and kisses, Marilyn 

Well the sun is up and so am I.... I am foggy today.  I hope that means that I am on the road to recovery, but I fear it just demonstrates getting up four times in the night, makes me not get the rest I need.   At least my dreams are calming down to more normal stuff. It wasn't like I was having bad dreams last week... just uneasy ones.

We had a really nice time last night. Kathy, Matt, Scott and the dogs came over for dinner.  We grilled out.   Food was great as usual.  We sat on the deck and talked for a couple of hours drinking bubbly to celebrate our getting through midterms and my passing my dissertation. 

Afterward, Scott, the dogs, Matt and I went for a walk.  We found a natural nature park that we have never been to outside of Richm*nd Hill.  We took about a three mile walk in the woods.  It was really nice.  We will try to go back there soon. 

Hope your day will be grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

My massage therapist worked on my hips, back and neck on Friday afternoon and yesterday I worked on my neck some more... this morning the skin on my head feels tight.  I am thinking I need to put my mechanical massager and move it around my head... hmmm I just tried it and it didn't work... it worked great on my neck but not so good on my hard head.  

Yesterday was a great relaxing day.  The biggest thing I did was to go to the grocery store.  I am having company tonight so I needed to get meat and veggies.  I made some salads... my potato salad, guacamole salad, and pasta salad... today I will make three bean salad... these are Lena's, Hazel's and Marcia recipes... If you want them look at my other blog... ie recipes...  Then we will grill tonight.  I have brats, stakes and chicken.  Kathy is bringing veggies to grill. 

Hope your day is grand.  I will be grading.  Love and kisses, Marilyn    

Sittting at my desk rather than on the sofa.  Saw the goofieist cartoon this morning.  Set in Peru, pre Columbian Peru... I think... I emailed my Pre Columbia instructor... He probably has already seen it.  Hmmmm   Don't know what I am going to do today... but relaxing is part of it.  Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn 

Hmmmm I woke up today at 7:00 I hate that... I could sleep in and didn't.  I decided last night that I would not grade today, but continue my recovery.  I watched the morning news and then went out in the yard to pick weeds for about an hour, before it got to hot and the sun came around to the front of the house.  I spread out some more mulch.  I need to do about one more day on the front and then figure out how to do the back yard. I also need to mow the yard, but I think that can wait a couple of days.

I came in and put on music and made a wonderful fretata for breakfast.   Eggs with fresh herbs and peppers cut up and broiled in the oven with cheese on top.  It was really yummy.  I love these herbs Uncle Matt and Aunt Buffie gave me.  Last night a made a half home made pizza and ate the WHOLE Thing ...  it really tasted good with more fresh herbs... Can you see a pattern here. 

I finally called Cindy (my client, friend and editor) and told her I passed with revisions... she was thrilled.  I could not have done this without her hours upon hours of work.  We talked about her house and what she is going to move from Michigan.  On May 14th, she is going to come and speak at my school about her experiences building a sustainable house.  I just realized I have not called my friends in Michigan yet.  Hmmmm I guess I had better do that some time this weekend.

This afternoon I took a nap and then just lay on the sofa looking up at the swaying trees in my back yard and just let my mind float.  (I have an arched window out back of the house so I can see the tops of 30 foot trees).  I need to go  grocery shopping, I am having my friends over on Sunday for a cook out and celebration...

I hope that I can get all of my grading down on Sunday, because I really need tomorrow off too.  I still am concerned about making it through the rest of the term, I have very very seldom in my life been this tired and emotionally wrung out. 

When I think about everything I have done in the last year... it really is pretty amazing that I finished my dissertation at all. Every major life experience incorporated in the last twelve months except the birth of a child.  Three job interviews in two weeks beginning the day 32 of my colleagues at VT were murdered... buying a house, writing all summer, a move (leaving friends that I love and a place that I was so happy at), selling a house I loved, starting a new job (with five days to unpack and get settled), a divorce, death of my step father (with all the family baggage of toxic parents thrown in)...  and somehow around all of this...writing new 100 pages, editing 300 pages by condensing 200 pages to 100 and then editing it again and again to a 257 page document all because I am such a terrible writer...   Then one year and two days after those terrible events on campus I defended my writing and my scholarship with no break to reflect or recover... is it no wonder I fell apart for a day and a half.  And Monday I had to be back in form to teach.... 

Boy when I look at this it really makes me surprised that I was able to accomplish what I did... and how important it is to give myself time off to recover from all of this.  And then try to finish up.  Hmmmm

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn 

Opps maybe I was four or five days early, with letting my emotions out.  But the day of my defense and the day after seemed to be the tipping point for me.  Hmmmm I haven't cried that much since I moved. In some ways it felt good to let all the frustrations of the last few months... in the intense effort to finish my dissertation... to let some of those feelings out.  But unfortunately some of my friends didn't understand.  I guess that is life.    

Even though I was very tired last night, I still had problem getting to sleep and uneasy dreams.  I seem to be waking up a couple or four times a night with extra hot hot flashes, not the night sweats, just really hot and a wake for a while.  This morning I woke up tired rather than refreshed.  Hmmmm What else is new.

Hope your day is grand, only ten more 8:00s.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

For Hana... she is going to look it over for typos and grammar errors.  I am still resting my brain. 

One more day of class this week and then I can rest again.  I need to grade on Friday and Sunday... midterms... hmmmm everyone is tired at school and kind of crankie.  We have had two periods of crankieness with some people using cross words with other people... ha have I made that obscure enough?....  I haven't yelled at anyone yet this week... tee hee... good thing... I am conserving energy.   Hmmmm Love and kisses, Marilyn 

Hmmmm hit me on the head.  Good class today.  I also went swimming.   It was hard to make my self go because I was so tired, but I feel so much better after I swim.  I can't believe how quickly I am recovering.  I am so much better. Even getting ready to get back to my dissertation, soon.  I am going to try to wait two weeks to let my brain recover more. 

Hope your day is great.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Classes went well yesterday.  Everyone was thrilled that I was a Dr. I still felt the need to qualify that I still have to finish.   Hmmmm I am so glad I came home on Saturday and gave myself a day to process all of this.  So I could just smile and say thank you. 

Things are interesting at school because we have another person to come in a judge our readiness to go for accreditation of our program.  I was printing out syllabi and class assignment sheets this morning.  People were dashing all around.  I need to get my notebooks up to date with what I taught in classes. 

Only 11 more days of eight o'clocks.  I went to the chiropractor again yesterday morning and had a massage last night because my lower back was really bothering me.  It is better, but it will take me a while longer until I am pain free.  I think all the driving did it this time. 

Hope your day will be fine.  Love and kisses, Marilyn 

Hmmmm I had a good sleep last night, but woke up to turn over my hips were bothering me so badly... my chiropractor this morning goes... hmmmm what did you do?  I have scheduled a massage this afternoon after classes.   I could not cross my legs all day yesterday because my lower back hurt.

Now I am charging myself up for school.  I seems as if I have been gone a year and not just three days. Extreme emotions will do that to you.  My melt down had really been helpful though... because I know that for now, I have to take care of me.  I can complete my editing after school is out in June.  It is funny I have always had a problem realizing that I cannot accomplish the impossible.  My sister Connie has said the same thing... And admitting that I can't do the impossible is not a weakness, but a strength.  Continuing to work 80 hour a week is impossible. dropping back to 40 is sane...  hmmmmm

Carole I have no idea how you did that kind of work schedule for so long.  I have not been able to read anyones blogs for a while, Fabiolia have you moved in to your house yet?  Thanks for the congrates... Maybe I can catch up on my friends blogs tonight. 

This is mid term week.  So I have two classes handing in schematic designs today and tomorrow and I need to grade them by Friday.  I feel as if I can handle this now that I have postponed my revisions.  Do you see a theme here?             

I hope that you have a wonderful day.  I plan to... Love and kisses, Marilyn

This morning I woke up at 7:00 AM... I hate it that I cannot sleep in on Sunday....  But I went to bed fairly early last night so it wasn't bad.  I was worried that I would not be able to get to sleep.  But I did and I slept really well.  except I woke up with my lower back hurting... I think it is from driving so much in the last two days.  I watched the Su*day M*rning.  I made an egg white omelet with the herbs that my Aunt gave me last week... (They brought me this beautiful pot of herbs)... It was amazing how good everything tasted with fresh herbs. 

Then I laid down to watch tv and ended up taking a really nice nap.  I was doing a laundry in between all of this.  When I got up I made dinner and ate in front of the tv.  hmmmm what a relaxing day. 

Love and kisses, Marilyn      

Well after a half a day of pretending that everything was okay... sort of... I decided to come home. 

This morning I emailed my committee chairs and said that I was going to finish this thing in June... and felt much better for it.  I really melted down last night as I was making the decision to pospone my editing.  Poor Kristin had to put up with hysterics from me this morning.  So did Elizabeth and Noelle, but once I got on the road I was fine.  Amazing how taking care of yourself can be so good for ones self.  I did not sleep much, but really did not have problems driving the seven miles to home. 

Hope your day goes well.  Love and kisses, Marilyn      

But they want more revisions, but I do not have it in me right now to make the last changes to the document.... While I should be celebrating, I cried a lot of the day yesterday.  I didn't sleep most of the night and finally while walking the streets of Blacksburg at 3 AM I decided to take care of myself and put off my finishing until June when school is out.  I am so tired and can barily keep my eyes open.  Hope your day is good.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Well as I drove up here yesterday after teaching... I was able to reflect on my work in preparation for my defense today.  I did ten pages of notes in the car, listening to Dave Mat*hews on my CD player.   I got caught in Charlotte at 5:00 so it took an hour longer than it should to get here.  Kristin and I visited for a while and I went to bed at 10:00 and of course woke up at 7:00 AM.  I tried to got back to sleep to no avail. 

So I got up and got dressed and I rewrote some of my notes.  I am as ready as I will ever be. It was nice to have the time in the car to reflect on what I have really done here in the last five years.  I documented and wrote this history of the professionalization of my profession.  That is not what I set out to do... and actually would be too big of a project for someone to do for their dissertation, but somehow that is what I did.  It happened as a subsidiary result of trying to set the background stage for the actual work on licensure of my profession.  What is interesting is I did not recognize that until I made my pre-defense in the beginning of February. 

My colleagues and I have complained a lot that the Ph.D. program that we are in is very hard because there are not enough Ph.D. faculty for us to work with.  We have to beg people to be on our committee.  Through this process it ended up that I have no interior design faculty on my committee.  So I am not sure that my committee even realize what I have done here, because there is no one to say,  "This hasn't been done before"... any of it.  There is no precedent for what I accomplished.  My goodness that sound arrogant, but it is really more daunting than arrogant. 

Always someone who looks at the bright side of the... every university has its problems...  I think that if I would have gone to a university that had more Ph.D. faculty, who could have given me more guidance, I would not have produced this document.  I would have been guided to something more doable and probably something quantitative in nature and in the end the broad sweeping importance of my work would have been narrowed into a nice little study on how much interior design practice has been affected by licensure.  Sometimes we don't know our path and if I would have set out on this one consciously I would have been to daunted to continue. 

In addition, because we lacked guidance and support from faculty, our group of Ph.D. students banded together for support, encouragement and brain storming which made us stronger as a group.  Nancy and I are defending in the next few weeks, Kristin is getting ready to set up her examination after finishing her proposal and the rest are all Doctors now... Dr. Caylon, Dr. Elizabeth, Dr. Sarah and Dr. Tao....  I think our success is a testament to perseverance and how important a great study group can be to the success of each individual.  I love each one of you with all of my heart and I know that you all feel the same way of me.   We have succeeded because, rather than letting road blocks stand in our way, we together figured out ways to get around them or even climb on them to use them as a stepping stone to the next level.  That is what Mad CA*US does.  Harnesses the amazing energy of each of us to move to the next level.  Ha... and who is it that says you can't make dear friends after 30. 

Hmmmm I an flowing expansively this morning... This is my way of gathering my strength to defend.  Pulling all of the strings of support and the positive aspects of my experience together to move into this meeting with the most positive attitude I can.  I can feel you all around me today.                

My horoscope is good today. 

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Hope your week is good.  I am going to Virginia to defend...  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I just found out yesterday that my dissertation will need additional editing for grammar and typos.  And they want me to reflect on my finding more fully in my conclusion... ha you can only reflect when you have a brain with which to reflect. They actually think I still have one... but I used it up with the last round of editing.  I am so ready to throw in the towel and just try to finish this up in the summer.  Boy....  If it didn't cost $1,400 I would wait for summer to let my brain come back.

I had a really nice visit with my Aunt and Uncle last night and this morning.  They were on their way from from Florida.  We did not discuss family stuff too much. I haven't reported here yet that my step-father passed away on April 4, the day I turned in my dissertation.  I was relieved that he was out of my life for good.  My mother and he were very toxic and manipulative people.  After a couple of days of relief I began to fear their will, because I know that they will set up a competitive and untenable situation for us to deal with.... Last night, I heard from my uncle that is exactly what they have done.  For the last two weeks I have been steeling myself to deal with all of these people who think they were wonderful human beings.  I do not think I will go to the memorial service.   I turned away from them ten years ago and will no longer play their terrible manipulative games. 

Why does the lord test us so much.  When I don't think I can deal with work here and my dissertation to finish he just adds one more thing to deal with... with all of the emotional baggage of family.  Thank you lord.  I have been tested before... I do not need to know how strong I am right now thank you. 

It is going to take all my resource to drive to Virginia tomorrow and do my defense on Friday.  I have to say I am really glad I know that I will have to be editing some more... If I found out in my defense I would have broken down sobbing.  As it is, I have developed a strategy to get it done and time will tell.     

Hope your day will be fine.  It is cold here this morning... hmmmm spring is coming.  Love and kisses, Marilyn  

Hmmm

Today is tax day and tomorrow the anniversary of events on campus.  I have my V*T flag hanging at my front door and for some reason have been wearing my tee-shirts more in the last few weeks.  I guess it gives me a feeling of solidarity with my graduate school. I am trying to finish my presentation for my dissertation on Friday.   My aunt and uncle are coming to visit tonight.  I think they have only been to my house once in thirty five years I lived with Mike.
It will be nice to see them.  I hope.... Some times family can be hard to deal with....

Yesterday, I did the lecture on photometrics...  Last term I crashed and burned big time in that lecture... and this term I learned from my mistakes and approached it differently and they did not seem confused.  It was nice to have them understand.   It always takes a term or two to figure out the best way to get information across. 

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn 

I just spent the last hour looking for my new contract for SC*D.  I need to sign it tomorrow... I put it away this Friday before my friends came to visit and forgot where I put it.  My office was piled high with papers.  SC*D stuff, dissertation papers, dissertation writing, my business stuff, student work from last term and fall term.  Books I was using for my dissertation, poetry written on scraps of paper... my dining  room table is filled with grading and tax stuff... my credenza with paid cash receipts greehhhh.... my desk covered with things I need to get to when I finally get my dissertation done... you get the picture paper bombs everywhere. Finally I found it a couple of minutes ago... in the front of my paid bills file... not where I should have put it...  hmmmmm and not a good way to start a Monday morning. 

But (almost always) Sussie Sunshine... I did clean up my office some... my aunt and uncle are coming to visit Tuesday night and now my papers are all stacked up on my bookshelves... hmmmmmm (I say almost always because I have been pretty crabby, for me, lately... gee I can't imagine why.)

Yesterday I graded for a while and took a walk in the canal park, and came home and relaxed in the evening. 

Well hope your day goes well.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I am going to grade today. 

Yesterday was a really nice day to relax. 

Two weeks ago I bought some pine straw mulch and Friday I bought an azalea and two other bushes that will flower almost all of the time.... for my yard.

So Saturday morning, I went out in the yard and was looking at the weeds growing in my flower beds... I get my house sprayed outside for buuggggssss... I want to weed before the guy comes back to spray, but I want to do it close to the two month schedule so the bug dope is at its least strong...  So I bent down to see how hard it would be to pull some of the weeds.  Once I started it was pretty easy... 15 minutes later I spattered my dirt on my sandals... opps I got involved... so I changed my shoes and started seriously weeding.  Then I planted the azalea and spread the pine straw.  Then before the sun came around to the front of the house, I planted the other two plants... I still have to weed a little more in the front of the house, and of course the back of the house...  but it was nice to get the plants in the ground and get rid of most of the weeds... I think it was an hour or an hour and a half later dripping with perspeation that I finally stopped.  This morning my bunnns and upper legs are really sore.  I really love yard work and this will look really good.

In the afternoon, Matt and I went to S*m's Cl*b to stock up.  Then Scott and the dogs came over and the three of us went for a walk at the canal. Then we came back here and had dinner and watched three programs of Thornw*od (???)...  It is a British science fiction tv show.   When they went home, I limped off to bed my bunnnns had already started aching.  Just before I crawled into bed Tao called from Chicago.  We had a really nice talk.  I miss her.   All in all it was a great day and after the half day off on Friday I feel much more relaxed. 

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn