Well I woke up at 5:00 this morning and after a few minutes of tossing and turning, I got up, move the garbage to the street, and packed the lamps (after it got light) and the TV, steereo, and CD player... Movers just came I will talk to you all later.  Marilyn

Why is it when you think you have almost everything packed... you end up spending a twelve hour day finishing up?????  I started at 7:00 this morning, had lunch with my friends... and continued until a few minutes ago.  It is 9:39 PM... well actually the last hour I paid bills that have piled up this week while I packed... Greehhhh. 

I could not say goodbye to my friends today... I was ready to cry... so I made excuses and dashed out the the parking lot for a good boo hoo sitting in my car... They caught up with me.. I felt badly I didn't get a last hug from Sarah because she will be gone when I return... hopefully as Dr. Sarah...

I am sure I will be better once I get to Savannah and start setting up my new house... I meant to take photographs... maybe I will do it first thing in the morning... lamps, tv, steereo, and cleaning stuff left to pack in the morning the truck will get here between 9 and 10 AM.  I may be off line for a couple of days in transit... will talk to you soon from Savannah. 

Thanks everyone for the great support.  I know I will be okay I just have to let myself grieve a little.  Love and kisses, Marilyn  

Well I have a couple more cupboards to pack and dismantling the open office.  Took my friend back to DC today.  Tomorrow Mad CA*US are getting together for lunch, I am looking forward to it.  I hope that I don't cry too much... I am very emotional this week.  My living room, kitchen and basement are full of boxes.  The windows are bare except for blinds, no art on the walls, shelves empty. 
All in all it was a good couple of days...

Hope your day was wonderful.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Hey everyone... I am packing and will be back here once it is done... It is oh so hard to pack up this life to move.  Love and Kisses, Marilyn

I think that one of the things that endears me to people is my openness to share my pain... we all feel it... Since I arrived in school... and maybe before, I have ceased in trying to hide it.  As so many of you have said that I am an amazing person... but that can be overwhelming to people.  My sharing my hardships and struggles lets my over achieving colleagues know that it is okay to not be perfect... none of us are.  It is how we face challenges (because we all have them) that make us happy.  Even though I know that I will be happy in Savannah, this transformative section of my life is at an end and it makes me sad. 

Both Kristin and Ellen have talked about me being in a cocoon getting ready to transform into a butterfly.. to soar into my new life... but my heels are dragging a little in protest.... Just writing about it and talking about it today has made it better.  I also spent time with the people love... When shopping with Kristin, talking with Elizabeth and Katya and David and swimming with Ellen... hmmmmm what a great day.   

Hope your day is good.  Love to all, Marilyn  

I am taking this week off to finish getting my house ready to sell. and my friend is coming tomorrow to help me pack for two days.   

Yesterday when I was going to my Chin*ese Med*icine Man for body work... He was working on my feet which have been getting progressively worse the last few weeks... even though we have been working on them a lot... I realized that my feet are hurting a whole bunch... because I don't want to leave here... I ended up sobbing on his massage table... I have to move... but my body is psychicly dragging my heels.  When I left him, I could not even say goodbye, but I said see you in October...

I have been so happy here.  I know that I will be happy in Savannah, but this was my first taste of freedom of being totally myself...  Then I told him about the party my friends gave me... and the gifts and I cried even more... As I said, it is going to be so hard to leave here.  The truck comes in six days and I will leave here a week from today.

I guess another thing that makes this hard is I am not moving back to my friends in Michigan, but away to what feels like another land in which I had no interest in living... If I was going back to Mich*igan I could reestablish my old connections... but now I am moving on.  It is not at all that I am afraid to move or meet new people, it is just that this place has been the home of my heart like no other place..

Yesterday, I did not even try to work on my dissertation... I packed a few boxes, took a nap and read a little Nora Ro*berts... Today I painted the columns and door frame on the front of the house... but I am not going to even attempt to write... my brain needs the break.   I am glad the move is giving me the excuse to take care of myself. 

Hope your day is grand.  Love and kisses, Marilyn  

Why I am struggling so much....

Your horoscope - Today, August 20, 2007 The Rolling Stones said it best: 'I can't get no satisfaction.' That's certainly how you've been feeling lately, Marilyn. Indeed, looking back on your recent activities, you may feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland - running as fast as you can just to stay in the same place. The day ahead will provide some relief, as well as open up new, more fulfilling opportunities. Marilyn

Monday morning and school starts at Virginia Tech.  I am going to campus today to hang up pictures of my house for sale, give Lisa her books I borrowed and file for in state tuition.   Hmmm It will probably be hard to find parking... and I no longer have a faculty parking pass... hmmmm It expired last week. 

I went to the memorial service yesterday.  It was really good but boy by the end it was unbelievably HOT.  I drank a whole bottle of water as I walked back to the car.  I forgot to bring one with me.  Then when I got home... the announcement of the Carbon Monoxide poisoning sort of sent me reeling... what more can happen????

Kristin came over for dinner last night.  We watched a movie... Oc*ean 12.  It was nice to relax with her.  

I am still amazed that she put this party together for me.  I have never had anyone hold a party for me, EVER!  It was wonderful and grows with importance as I think about it.  

Hope your day will be great.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

I have never had a surprise party thrown for me.... until yesterday.  All of my friends that were in town... threw a surprise going away party for me... I had NO CLUE... I saw, Elizabeth, Katya, Ellen, Luke this week and they did not blow the surprise ... You guys are so sneekie... Kristin was definitely the sneekiest of the lot... she got me to wear a party outfit and had me bring  food for my own party, asked me what I wanted to drink and I still didn't clue in...  When I arrived at her house to hang pictures and drapery... and then we were going to go over to Brads and Arthur's for cocktails at 6:00 (therefore the party outfit). 

When I arrived I saw a party group sitting in her front yard and I was trying to not barge in as I grabbed the food I headed to Kristin's apartment... when I glanced over... I knew some of those people... I glanced again and knew all of those people and they were all smiling at me gooflie.... that is when it finally dawned on me... they were together for me... GOTCH YA!

Lets see if I can say everyone that was there... I am getting teary eyed when I make this list... I love these people so much. 
Mad CA*US:  Kristin, Nancy, Caylon, Sarah and her three kids, Elizabeth, Katya, David and Tao called from Chicago and Eric came in the evening... 
Swimmers:  Noelle, Luke, Ellen, Cos, and Cara
VT people:  Chriss, Brad and Arthur... and Me!
I hope I didn't miss anyone. 
I didn't have my camera with me because I wasn't expecting a party!!!! So I cannot look to see. 

We had hamburgers, hotdogs, chicken wings, chips and dip, fruit salad, Greek Salad, flan, cake, ice cream, cookies.... Arthur grilled on Elizabeth and David's grill.  There may have been other food I can't remember... Beer, wine, and.... yeah oh margaritas, for drink  why didn't I clue in when Kristin asked me what I wanted to drink to hang pictures?...

Then after we had eaten they brought out the gifts.  They got me gifts!!!  I opened Chriss' first.  My bathroom is going to smell wonderful in my new house with smelling sticks... Brad and Arthur gave me a beautiful photo of a turtle that he saw from the Grand Cam*yon Islands.  It is beautiful... but the CA*US hmmmm the CA*US they got me a Aladyn lamp...  it brings tears to my eyes each time I think about it... it has so many meanings... All of the wishes that can be made... or have been made and fulfilled in my journey back to school, the Lamp of Knowledge, what the education is about.  The light of friendship.... the light, to light up my new life... The light of friendship.. a lamp in a storm.  It will have a predominate place in my new home.

Kristin had the party at her house, how could she do that... since she just got back Friday... from 10 days at her parents house.  She moved only in two days before she left... so she could not possibly have time enough to get her new apartment ready for something like this. But she did!!!  Noelle was in charge of getting my swimming buddies, Kristin got the rest, Nancy did the decorations, and Elizabeth and Katya ordered the cake... (and Katya at the age of three didn't say anything when I saw her last week)... the Mad CA*US got together yesterday to get the gift.   

I arrived at the party at 4:30, late because Kristin wanted Greek Salad and I had to go to the store to get tomatoes, cucumber and red onion.  Hmmmm sneekie....  I didn't get home until about 10:30 what a great afternoon and night!!!

Caylon fixed coffee and read four fortunes... She said that I am shedding the skin of my old life like a snake, that I am moving away from the non positive things in my life, that my way forward will be smooth with two incidents of tears... in two or three years I will meet someone that I will marry.   She continued I am like a bird in flight... eventually I will light on a place and did she say be happy there...

I have used the snake shedding my skin metaphor before in this blog, and the bird in flight soring away in flight....
I hope that your day was wonderful, mine sure was.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Well I am going to wash the columns of my house this morning, before the sun comes around to the front of the house.. Then I will decide if I need to paint them, in the next few days... I need to trim my bushes, yet again, and I need to mow the lawn, I borrowed some gas from my neighbor to fill up my gas tank on the mower and it takes a mow and a half to use up the tank... hmmmm  

I think I need to expend my nervous energy by obsessing about the small details of my house.  

I really am ready to take a break from my dissertation, but I have to work for two more days, Monday and Tuesday... before I can stop to finish packing, move, and unpack at my new house... Hmmmm

Hope your weekend is good.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

Was able to write or edit some yesterday but it was a struggle.  Even faking out my brain didn't work.  But I have revised 7 pages... hmmm so not so bad...

Had dinner with Elizabeth after swimming... going to miss our talks, but we do have the phone... Maybe we need to get a video camera for the computer so we can see each other while we talk...

School starts here at Virgi*nia Te*ch Monday.  They are having a memorial service on Sunday.  I am planning on going probably with Kristin. 

I forgot to tell you yesterday that I registered for classes on Tuesday.  So I am officially a student again.  I didn't register last year because I was just writing, writing, writing and could not justify the money when I was not actually taking classes.  I hope that I can finish this dissertation before I have to spend anymore money.  I hope I have instate tuition... I guess I need to find that out.  I am not sure I can afford the time to do the paper work.... hmmmmm  

Hope your day is great.  Love and kisses, Marilyn   

Well after scrubbing my deck and cleaning off my front porch, I just finished staining them... the really look good.  It was worth the effort.  I am thinking I need to clean my columns and door trim and repaint the, before I leave.... They have little black spots on them... well actually grayish spots... hmmmmm so much to do and so little time.

My fake out of my brain yesterday, worked fairly well.  I was able to work for about four hours revising my last interview chapter.  I will work on it again today.  My co-chair and I are getting together next Wednesday to go over stuff before I leave.  I hope by then to have a good dent on this chapter...

As I get my mind organized for the move, I am finding I want to bring my dissertation work books with me in the car, along with my other important papers, my plants, perishable food, cleaning materials, aerosol cans, and my nail polish... They won't let me take my cleaning stuff, aerosol cans, and nail polish in the truck (fire, explosion, and dripping hazard)  hee heee  But I may also be taking about five boxes of dissertation... I would die if they were lost in the move.  Hmmmm okay Marilyn get a grip... you have almost everything written on your computer and hard copy back ups of that, in the house, car, at Kristin's, with Terry and Cindy... hmmmm  why do you need the boxes of back up papers with you... you are getting obsessive compulsive scary about this dissertation... Tee heee... Make that at little crazy sounding Tee heeeeeee....

I will be okay... I really will... when I have this puppie put to bed... I will, I promise I will.  Well as okay as I normally am... which is questionable.

Elizabeth and I got together to chat... as always she helped me get stuff in perspective.  It looks like she is doing an amazing job with her class she is teaching... You go girl.  She also showed me the hard copy of her dissertation... I felt much better about the size of mine after seeing hers... I was feeling as my was way longer than anyone else's, but it takes what it takes... As usual she is my sanity check.

Swam and had dinner with Joan (Dr. Joan, that is) yesterday.  It was really great.  I love her so much... she really was my main means of emotional support for my Ph.D. when I arrived down here all wet behind the ears... and eager to learn.  She also helped me so much last year, by letting me use her syllabus to teach the classes I taught last year.  Last night, she also gave me citations for my struggling chapter and a new slant for why residential design needs licensing with a citation... hmmmm what a great friend... I will really miss seeing her...

My horoscope for today... the first sentence fits in with Joan and my discussion last night... Transformation of your chosen field is indicated, dear Gemini. Ideas from distant states or countries, perhaps foreign cultures, might fire your creative energies today. Your intellectual and/or artistic interests could take on an entirely new dimension, greatly expanding your horizons and opening up new possibilities for opportunity. You might also toy with the idea of travel, perhaps to learn more about these matters. Possible formal education in new fields is also indicated.

Hope your day will be grand... Good luck on finishing up J...  I know you will do great!  
Love and kisses, Marilyn

I woke up at sun rise this morning stratigizing how to get this puppie done with a brain that is acting very finicky.   I decided to stop working on what I am struggling with and move on to revising the Ohio chapter... I think my tired brain can handle that section.  Then get back to the why interior designers need licensing after my break with the move... I hope that my brain will be functioning better with the "rest" from writing that is packing for my move, moving, and unpacking from the move.  I actually like the process of moving and should be on some kind of a high once I get into my new house... I hope, anyway

Oh turns out my taxes are extended until October 15... so I have more time... I finished scrubbing the deck yesterday afternoon before I went to the pool to swim... Hopefully I can stain it this afternoon when my brain good bye bye again.. Hope your day is good and your brain functioning at its optimal level.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

For some strange reason, I have not been able to work on my taxes... so I need to file another extension... I can't seem to pull my brain away from my dissertation enough to gather my wits to finish them.  I tried to work on them a couple of weeks ago and could not get my brain around them... hmmmmm With my business, and my soon to be ex husbands business, and trips and expenses for my dissertation... they are complicated.  Hmmmm Dissertation as excuse...

Last night I almost finished scrubbing my deck... I probably have about a half an hour left... I could only do it for about 45 minutes last night... and my knees actually were the first things to give out... my elbows and hands are aching today though... I also swam and went to the Ch*inese Med*icine Man. I think my hands would be worse, if not for him undoing the damage I did.  I have almost worn out a scrub brush... hmmmmmm and the deck is only 10 x 12... heaven forbid if it were bigger, like my 16 x 39 footer at my new house in Savannah... hmmmmm

Hope your day was great... I continue to write.. boring... Marilyn Boring.. Love and kisses, Marilyn

The moving truck will be here two weeks from today.  Boy time flies when you are having fun... and when your not.   Had Lisa and Jim over for dinner last night.  We ate on the deck... it was wonderful.  I taught with Lisa at Rad*ford this last year and was a student with Jim the first year and a half when I was down here.  The got married a year or two ago.  Lisa is taking the opening at VT in the fall.  I am really glad they hired her.  She will do a really good job for the program and for the students. 

As I already said I washed the kitchen floor and finished all the bathrooms yesterday morning and in the afternoon I washed well scrubbed half of the deck.  My arm is really sore today.  Another hour on my hands and knees scrubbing.  Goo seems to build up and it takes a lot of elbow grease to remove it.  I think I will finish it today and then stain it tomorrow if the weather holds.  No rain for 24 hours after it is stained.  I think that is the last big project to finish before I move... beyond the packing.

Saturday night I sorted all of my paid bills (I stick them in a drawer when they are paid) and put them in the box files of paid bills in the basement yesterday... that felt really good to get that done.  That way all the bills for this house are filed and my new house gets new files.  

Today I am back to writing... my brain feels better (I think) after two days off and lots of physical exercise cleaning. hmmmmm Hope your day is great!  Love and kisses, Marilyn    

Yesterday I put my house for sale on Crai*gslist.  I couldn't get the pictures up because they were too big.  So then I made a brochure to sell my house to post at school bulletin boards.   Hmmm taking things into my hands...

Back to cleaning my house today... I washed the kitchen and bathroom floors today.  Well actually I had done the kitchen and powder room still need to go upstairs...

Yesterday I cleaned the windows, by late afternoon the sun moved around the house and I cleaned the stairs of my deck... scrubbing for an hour is good exercise.  I think I will try to do the main deck this afternoon once the sun goes around to the front of the house. 
Went to dinner with Noelle and Ellen.  It was fun to eat out side...

Hope your day is great.  Love and kisses,  Marilyn

My massage was canceled last night and reschedule for this evening... I was not disappointed because I was hurting from my foot/rib crack the night before...

And then dinner with Noelle tonight... I haven't seen her new apartment yet...  Hope your day is good.  Love and kisses, Marilyn

And I have already cleaned all the windows in the house... except the basement window.   I will do that later... I will need to move my plants away from my windows (that I moved from my kitchen when I put my house on the market) to get to the window.  The window is really gross with cobwebs and dead bugs... hmmmmmn Put that one off.

I plan on cleaning the bathrooms next... I am trying to get things clean so I only have to vacuum and wipe the base board (where the furniture block access)... when the truck is loaded for my move...  As I have packed some of the kitchen, I wipe down the cabinet... I cleaned the oven a while ago...  pack and then vacuum and leave that is my plan...

Oh I need to scrub my deck down and re-stain it ... not sure I have the energy to do the deck...  We will see.

Well yesterday was sort of a good day with my writing... I was able to put citations on what I wrote last week... It was good progress.  Hope to finish this section before I move.  Hope your day was good.  Love and kisses, Marilyn   

I keep on forgetting to tell you about my ants...  Hmmm I have have a few little black ants in my kitchen counter for the last two or three weeks... maybe 5 to 10 a day... I kill them with my fingers... (we had a ant problem in Michigan and I got really good at killing them with my fingers... ) well Sunday I had a party... Monday I notice there were black things moving on my entry floor... when I got on my knees I noticed they were little black ants.  I killed about 30.  Then I noticed ants on my carpet carrying potato chip crumbs from the kitchen back to the door.... a whole line of ants.  Maybe 100 or 200 of the suckers... a 1/4 carrying potato chip crumbs... like those ants I saw in Costa Rica carrying leave across the forest floor. 

I killed as many as I could... and Kristin had my vacuum cleaner... so I used my lint brush to get as many of the suckers off the floor... after two days of  delaying... and more ants... but no parades along the carpet... I had to do something... Ellen suggested Ter*ro and I bought some today. The ants are going crazy drinking it up on the floor... as far as I can tell no one has touched it on the counter...  They drink it and take the poison back to the nest... and kill off the nest.  So things should be better soon...

Hope your house is ant less.. Love and kisses, Marilyn

Greehhhhh boy was I frustrated by not being able to get on line... I had left the computer on when I went swimming with Ellen and to dinner with Luke and Ellen... By the way, we ate on the deck of the country club it was beautiful evening.

When I got home no internet... I had a weak wireless signal, but could not get in and I normally can, at that strength... the upload is slow sometimes, but I can usually get in.  I even tried turning the computer off and re initializing it and used the build in disk Doctor... checked all my setting, but no go.  Tried a couple of times before I went to bed. When I got up this morning everything was back to normal.  hmmmmmm  I guess this proves I am addicted... to the internet...  as if I needed something like this to prove that to me...

Had a good day of editing the last of the section on Interior Design Position, just need to finish the conclusion today... and read another chapter about 1960s for my conflict introduction... found a lot more quotations to us... and finished the schedule for the syllabus for one of my classes at SC*AD. 

I told Jenn yesterday that I put everything on my schedule, so that when I prepare for class I can just look at my syllabus and go... oh I need to talk about this... this and this... pull this and that document and be ready for class.  She said in her blog that syllabus's reflect their author... My tentative schedule reflects me... because it is detailed, which allows me to be organized, yet be loose when I get into class..  Hmmm not sure that is understandable... I hate to lecture from  P*ower Po*ints or read from a written script.  But I need talking points to stay on track... don't know if you noticed that I can wander away from topic sometimes... It is my expressive personality... makes me an exciting speaker, but my lectures can sometimes be confusing.  So I use the syllabus schedule to keep myself on track. 

The analytical students have a problem with my lecturing style... but most student like it and they don't often fall a sleep.  I tell stories... of why you need to know this.  Relating it back to the field helps them understand that this is something that they will need to know in practice.  I think that they can remember random stuff if they understand why they are doing it.  I have never been able to memorize a bunch of random stuff just for a test.  Our studios are project based. 

All in all that felt like a really good day.  Hope your day was good.  Love and kisses, Marilyn